There was no specific post that I wanted to write when I decided that I would keep a blog for a year. My main reason for doing it was that it’s not something that would be my first inclination to do. But after spending a couple of years with a fairly narrow focus, I want to add in some new things. Even (especially?) a few that make me a bit uncomfortable.
Additionally, I thought that writing about my life could help remind me to be more expressive . It’s certainly not that I think an e-life is a substitute for a real life, and I do have plenty of friendships in my day to day life. But I can easily become withdrawn from people when I am stressed, and I am often not very trusting. I sometimes feel a strong dichotomy between my desire for a greater number of deeper friendships, and in internal resistance — a sense of fear. Those rooted-in-childhood, can usually cover-it-up-pretty-well-in-company, but still there fear about people being dangerous (emotionally). Normally it all stays in my head! (And my younger self would probably be quite pleased at how well I can usually act ok in company.)
I used to journal a lot when I was younger, and found it very helpful. somehow, I stopped doing it. So I guess I’m hoping for some sort of mental shift — that posting will lead to my psyche “thinking” that I don’t just keep it all in my head.